Are meds really worth it?

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. As I looked back through my family history, I saw that depression was clearly woven throughout both maternal and fraternal sides of my family, so the fact that I inherited it isn't too surprising. There are a plethora of meds on the market to treat this condition, and I have tried every frelling one of them! Some didn't work for me; Some made me sleepy. Some kept me from sleeping; Some made me anxious or depressed.

I have been on one successfully for several years now--until I ran out last week. Calling my pharmacy refill in, I was told that the doctor would have to be contacted for refill approval. I expected to pick up my refill before I completely ran out, of course. Today was my 6th day without medical "enhancement" due to lack of followup on the pharmacy's part. Do you know what it feels like to go from zero to bitchiness in about 4 seconds? I have been getting my rage on for about 4 of the last 6 days. Oh, and then there's the crying. And then comes the dizziness to really unbalance things.

The question comes up: What more hell would I go through to get completely OFF these things? (Answer: I would probably become unable to function other than being escorted out of stores and off to jail for attacking some poor clerk in rage) Are the side effects and withdrawal worth staying on this stuff? Lacking insurance and prescription coverage for the moment, I also find these things to be darned expensive. Pros and cons balance out for now. I'm quite afraid to be off of these things for very long. I know they help me because of the insanity into which I enter when I go off of them. (The name of the med is Cy_____a)

My nervous system has been fried by events of the last couple of years. I likely won't be able to go "au naturale" pharmaceutically ever again. I rest in the Lord, and I know Who's in charge

but I believe He allowed research into helpful medications as well. The ethics of the drug companies and the FDA are quite another thing; some of them are absolute evil, as their actions would indicate. God help us all in this age of taking a pill for ills real and imagined.

Just needed to vent.

Back on the blog

It has been one and one-half years since I last blogged here. I have so much bottled up inside me, and it has been one HELL of a year and a half, that I think I must get back to this.

I am jobless, applying for disability retirement, missing my first mortgage payment on this house I bought a year ago, and feeling pretty overwhelmed. Still, I am luckier than most folks anywhere else in the world. That's nothing to do with ME; It just reminds me to count and be grateful of my blessings.