The way-back machine

On the way to the bathroom the other day, I reached into a box waiting to be unpacked and grabbed an old journal. I needed some reading material--well, that's TMI. Anyway, this was a journal from 1995 and covered a time period during which I was recovering from surgery. I was doing some pretty good program work, reading, and Bible study during this time, but MAN, was my life ever stressful! A coworker, with whom I had gone out on a date the prior New Year's eve, was the subject of every journal post and about 90% of my prayers. Our date was the night before my brother died the following day. It may be that he did help me through some rough times, but by this time, some months later, things were really tough. I had forgotten all of this angst. Geeze, and just think, we went together for another 4 0r 5 years.

This was also the time period when I intuited the end of my CC symphony career. I was absolutely right, too! I am glad to have found this reminder of that bad time. I did not make up my misgivings--the proof is right there in what other folks were doing and saying to me.

I am an irregular blogger, just as I was an irregular journal-writer. The process does seem to help me work through particularly stressful times, though. I envy those folks, like Madeleine L'Engle, who journalled from her early years clear through her life. I'm just not disciplined like that. I suppose I'll forgive myself for that and just use this tool when it is helpful for me!

I will be using this blog as a helpful step in my renewed OA program vigor. This is the place for writing down what I might not share verbally in a face-to-face meeting, or it may be a place to put thoughts-in-progress, those things I am working through.

Finding the 1994 Time magazine and then this journal (I think they were in the same box out in the garage) gives me pause. 15 years ago--ohmyGOD!--things were really messed up. I was working and praying and reading my way through then; I have to continue to do that NOW. I have far less angst now, largely because my life has cleared out of friends and I have so little interaction. Regardless, the work process needs to be the same. I must keep doing the inner work. Thanks for THAT reminder.